Thank you for sharing this Jonalyn. I have seen this so much in the youth I have know and those I don't know. I pray that I would be sensitive to the soul of not only my husband and child but to those around me.
Nicole
· 9 months ago
I received a "crash course" in 21st century teenage culture when I started working in a public high school last October. Since I graduated from a small Christian high school, it was even more of a culture shock. Even though the school has a good handle on discipline and connecting with students, what the students take away from the school in the sense of values is minimal at best.
Since I'm a reading tutor working with just one teacher, I don't interact with many teachers. But I get frustrated when teachers can't see beyond the "attitude problems" these students exhibit. Like you, I try to see behind the defense mechanisms and reach out as much as I can while still teaching. I think many teachers forget what it was like being a teenager; like Atticus Finch told Scout, we've got to put ourselves inside their skin and walk around for a day.
I just pray that I'll be reunited with the ones I work with someday in eternity.
Jodi H.
· 9 months ago
Wow, Joni, that's some serious stuff. I'm so grateful that you and Dale have been equipped with hearts to understand and love and are reaching out to our new generation and providing them with HOPE. Thank you, Lord, that we always have hope in You!
Anonymous
· 9 months ago
It is sad to see what society tries to glorify. I understand what you're saying about the dance-show you observed. My friends and I are big 'So you think you can dance' fans...but i found myself questioning what exactly i was cheering for at times. Some dances were beautiful and creative and inspiring. Others, were what you explained, they actually made abusive, domination over-sexualized men and women grinding on stage...seem attractive! I sat there thinking...this is all you can come up with...and should we be making these abusive (both men and women) situations look sexy? I don't think so. It was disturbing and sad to think of what young teens are growing up thinking is healthy...hopefully they don't take this as an example for how to treat partners in a relationship. Thanks for your eloquent thoughts, as always. :) ~ Coryn
Jonalyn Fincher
· 9 months ago
From my aunt
Joni, these teens are walking "dead".
We just had a young man come to our church. He is 27...his "wife/girlfriend" has his 2 12 year old daughter. They are homeless, jobless and basically useless. He is willing to do ANYTHING for work. We had a snowstorm and needed the drive cleaned at our B & B inn. Rick asked Paul if he wanted to chip ice and shovel. He did. We paid him by check and he cashed it at the local bank....then we got a call from the police. (small town) "Do you know who this guy is? " No....just met him at church...needed work". "He is a heroin addict...charged with theft and forgery." We have kept him out of Kennebunkport....your choice, but I would not recommend you have him around."
How do you show God's love when the police call and I'm scared to death to have the B & B and our guest's exposed. Rick and I have decided that before we can be of any help, he must go to AA or NA and have a sponsor and prove that he has been clean for 9 months. Our youth are being so deceived by Satan who is using the drugs to get to them.
Stacia, my daughter who was an addict, has called twice since January to express gratitude and appreciation for something we've done for her. This is a first. We are encouraged but know that we must be careful. God has been very clear to us to Love her. Keep contact. Do not judge or criticize and let Him do the work.
As you know, Stacia has been a challenge and we know very clearly she could be like Chongo. We also know that she is in a better spot than she was even at the age of 16. She has a roof over her head, a job she is responsible to, making her insurance payments etc. Satan is alive and well and wrecking havoc whereever he can.
Aunt BEV
Jonalyn Fincher
· 9 months ago
Gretchen- thank you for sharing how you see this, too.
Nicole- I loved your reminder of Atticus Finch... especially as that's one big inspiration in my next writing project "Walking in Her Shoes"
Jodi- appreciate your encouragement and perspective.. as always :)
Coryn- glad to hear your thoughts. I wish that dancing moves didn't influence our behavior, but I can attest to even the small amount of MTV exposure I've had that it had/has influenced my ideas of gender norms, romance, sexual norms and what is sexy. Those images have power... search "Dreamworlds 3: Desire, Sex & Power in Music Video" on you tube or go here for more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDMo5cIJN3A . See also the commentary on my blog about this video in the comments: https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=218779... and
Anonymous
· 9 months ago
thanks Jonalyn, I'll check those out! :) Coryn
Anonymous
· 9 months ago
Wow, I viewed the Dreamworlds video. What a disturbing, sad, twisted portrayal of male/female relationships and identity..but so true. It upsets me, cause as you say, I know that I have had my idea of romance, sexiness, female identity influenced by music, music videos and such. And I struggle a lot with how I do not measure up to the sexy, seductress ways it seems that i'm supposed to possess. I will never look or move like Beyonce, and I'm afraid that just takes me off the market as a woman. As much as I rebel against it and hate the idea...I also find myself seduced by it and wondering if that is what's sexy...if there aren't men who think differently than this!? I guess there must be, but they're hard to find these days... Now, I need to think about how to counter these ideas, how does God think of my femininity? Guys seem so easily seduced by power and by these unattainably pretty women, their bodies, their movements..why were we created like this?!? It seems so innate... Sorry I don't think this all makes sense, just trying to sort out my thoughts...:) ~Coryn
A.T. Stowell
· 9 months ago
Jonalyn,
good post. for lack of better words, it has sharp "existential teeth". And this kind of pain--big, loose, and lawless in the human heart, exacerbated by the psychological daggers cast by "friends" --cannot be remedied by the contrivances of the modern church; cannot be healed in the absence of an experience(s) of love--the kind of love we don't "have" to give, though we often think we do. Until we have experienced love of that sort, we cannot give love of that sort.
things are OK, by the way... :)
adam
Jonalyn Fincher
· 9 months ago
Coryn, Couldn't help but write to you and tell you that there are many men who care about more than the body's sexiness... but most of them want to be a with a woman they are attracted to. Here's a tidbit that inspires and delights me, though. Beauty is not the same as attraction. You, or a guy, can be attracted to a person who may not be beautiful. And a beautiful person may not be attractive to you. Make sense?
The beauty of this is that we can cultivate our tastes. I am more attracted to my husband now (and he to me) after 7+ years of cultivating our tastes FOR each other than we were when we first men.
And often what is attractive to all men (and women) is a openness, a vulnerability, a quickness to laugh at oneself and others. And this is a quality of soul :) The seeming innateness of men's attraction to sexy, unattainable bods is not unique to men (women's porn is on the rise, by the way). It is INNATE in that it is something that easily turns animalistic, or better worldly/fleshly, in us. But the original desire for sexiness is God-given and something both genders desire. The problem comes when we desire the body more than the soul (as many men and women struggle with).
As far as what does God think of our femininity? THAT is why I wrote my book Ruby Slippers. I hope you'll pick it up.
Anonymous
· 9 months ago
Thanks for those words Jonalyn, I completely understand and agree with you! Yes, I have grown more and more interested in this Ruby Slippers book, I think it is just what I need to read write now. :) Thanks for your honest and intelligent voice on these matters, it's refreshing! ~Coryn
Anonymous
· 8 months ago
Jonalyn, the earlier part of this post reminded me of the most recent issue of CBE's Equality magazine on pornography. It had me thinking harder about some of the erotic work of the poets in whose sharing/critique circles I'm in.
I relate to too many things in the second half of this to know where to begin. Also, sometimes it is hard to know where and if to begin in real life: One of my friends recently took in a homeless couple. Her whole family felt good about it, but at the end of the story she and her young family live in fear for their lives. And I once tried to do some ministry among strippers and realized that the team with me was too sexually broken to effectively move forward yet (to prone to get some of the "stuff" on them). But we want and need to show His love. In my former church, I believe the majority of the teens had at some point struggled with cutting themselves. And the KKK is not terribly well veiled in my area.
Difficult but needful questions here....
Deborah
Jonalyn Grace Fincher
· 7 months ago
Deborah,
I'm glad you've written in, thanks for the CBE mention. I was wondering, in your reading of the last issue did they have any articles speaking to the growing trend of women to be addicted to pornography? I'd be curious to read it, if they did.
Have you seen:Hookers for Jesus? In light of your experience working with teams helping the sexually abused, I'd love your feedback!
All Comments
I pray that I would be sensitive to the soul of not only my husband and child but to those around me.
Since I'm a reading tutor working with just one teacher, I don't interact with many teachers. But I get frustrated when teachers can't see beyond the "attitude problems" these students exhibit. Like you, I try to see behind the defense mechanisms and reach out as much as I can while still teaching. I think many teachers forget what it was like being a teenager; like Atticus Finch told Scout, we've got to put ourselves inside their skin and walk around for a day.
I just pray that I'll be reunited with the ones I work with someday in eternity.
~ Coryn
Joni, these teens are walking "dead".
We just had a young man come to our church. He is 27...his "wife/girlfriend" has his 2 12 year old daughter. They are homeless, jobless and basically useless. He is willing to do ANYTHING for work. We had a snowstorm and needed the drive cleaned at our B & B inn. Rick asked Paul if he wanted to chip ice and shovel. He did. We paid him by check and he cashed it at the local bank....then we got a call from the police. (small town) "Do you know who this guy is? " No....just met him at church...needed work". "He is a heroin addict...charged with theft and forgery." We have kept him out of Kennebunkport....your choice, but I would not recommend you have him around."
How do you show God's love when the police call and I'm scared to death to have the B & B and our guest's exposed. Rick and I have decided that before we can be of any help, he must go to AA or NA and have a sponsor and prove that he has been clean for 9 months. Our youth are being so deceived by Satan who is using the drugs to get to them.
Stacia, my daughter who was an addict, has called twice since January to express gratitude and appreciation for something we've done for her. This is a first. We are encouraged but know that we must be careful. God has been very clear to us to Love her. Keep contact. Do not judge or criticize and let Him do the work.
As you know, Stacia has been a challenge and we know very clearly she could be like Chongo. We also know that she is in a better spot than she was even at the age of 16. She has a roof over her head, a job she is responsible to, making her insurance payments etc. Satan is alive and well and wrecking havoc whereever he can.
Aunt BEV
Nicole- I loved your reminder of Atticus Finch... especially as that's one big inspiration in my next writing project "Walking in Her Shoes"
Jodi- appreciate your encouragement and perspective.. as always :)
Coryn- glad to hear your thoughts. I wish that dancing moves didn't influence our behavior, but I can attest to even the small amount of MTV exposure I've had that it had/has influenced my ideas of gender norms, romance, sexual norms and what is sexy. Those images have power... search "Dreamworlds 3: Desire, Sex & Power in Music Video" on you tube or go here for more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDMo5cIJN3A . See also the commentary on my blog about this video in the comments: https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=218779... and
I guess there must be, but they're hard to find these days...
Now, I need to think about how to counter these ideas, how does God think of my femininity? Guys seem so easily seduced by power and by these unattainably pretty women, their bodies, their movements..why were we created like this?!? It seems so innate...
Sorry I don't think this all makes sense, just trying to sort out my thoughts...:)
~Coryn
good post. for lack of better words, it has sharp "existential teeth".
And this kind of pain--big, loose, and lawless in the human heart, exacerbated by the psychological daggers cast by "friends" --cannot be remedied by the contrivances of the modern church; cannot be healed in the absence of an experience(s) of love--the kind of love we don't "have" to give, though we often think we do. Until we have experienced love of that sort, we cannot give love of that sort.
things are OK, by the way... :)
adam
Couldn't help but write to you and tell you that there are many men who care about more than the body's sexiness... but most of them want to be a with a woman they are attracted to. Here's a tidbit that inspires and delights me, though. Beauty is not the same as attraction. You, or a guy, can be attracted to a person who may not be beautiful. And a beautiful person may not be attractive to you. Make sense?
The beauty of this is that we can cultivate our tastes. I am more attracted to my husband now (and he to me) after 7+ years of cultivating our tastes FOR each other than we were when we first men.
And often what is attractive to all men (and women) is a openness, a vulnerability, a quickness to laugh at oneself and others. And this is a quality of soul :) The seeming innateness of men's attraction to sexy, unattainable bods is not unique to men (women's porn is on the rise, by the way). It is INNATE in that it is something that easily turns animalistic, or better worldly/fleshly, in us. But the original desire for sexiness is God-given and something both genders desire. The problem comes when we desire the body more than the soul (as many men and women struggle with).
As far as what does God think of our femininity? THAT is why I wrote my book Ruby Slippers. I hope you'll pick it up.
Yes, I have grown more and more interested in this Ruby Slippers book, I think it is just what I need to read write now. :)
Thanks for your honest and intelligent voice on these matters, it's refreshing!
~Coryn
I relate to too many things in the second half of this to know where to begin. Also, sometimes it is hard to know where and if to begin in real life: One of my friends recently took in a homeless couple. Her whole family felt good about it, but at the end of the story she and her young family live in fear for their lives. And I once tried to do some ministry among strippers and realized that the team with me was too sexually broken to effectively move forward yet (to prone to get some of the "stuff" on them). But we want and need to show His love. In my former church, I believe the majority of the teens had at some point struggled with cutting themselves. And the KKK is not terribly well veiled in my area.
Difficult but needful questions here....
Deborah
I'm glad you've written in, thanks for the CBE mention. I was wondering, in your reading of the last issue did they have any articles speaking to the growing trend of women to be addicted to pornography? I'd be curious to read it, if they did.
Have you seen:Hookers for Jesus? In light of your experience working with teams helping the sexually abused, I'd love your feedback!